Hello to you all!!
(sorry again for the late post... spotty internet. I wrote this on saturday. Enjoy!)
It’s hard for me to really believe that I will actually be saying “hello” to you in person in the next few days. Although I only have a couple days left, I have been living them to the fullest. Yesterday I went with my friend, Sphumelele (Rehoboth’s social worker), to an African fabric bazaar. I bought this fabulous- very African- material to make a Zulu dress and headdress. Sphume’s seamstress met us at the bazaar to take my measurements and go over the design for my dress. I was the only white person in the store (or the surrounding area, for that matter). Needless to say, the seamstress laughed at my bust measurements and my attempts at speaking Zulu the whole time. I will go on Monday to have my final fitting.
Then Sphume and I caught an infamous South African taxi to go to a friend’s pre-wedding negotiation. While we were waiting for a taxi, this Zulu man was staring at me and circling me so I starred back to make sure he wouldn’t take my bag. Then he said, “I like your [butt]” except much more vulgar. Although my Zulu is pretty limited I managed to yell “haibo, uku shaya” which means “hell no! I’m going to hit you.” Turns out, I was just warming up for the wedding negotiation which was in Gamalakhe, a township. I was certainly sticking out with my very white skin so many people asked to take their picture with me or touch my hair. I even was purposed to half a dozen times by slightly drunk men (or their mothers). Nonetheless, I had a very fun afternoon sitting around chatting with the Zulu women, eating traditional food, listening to the organ music and watching the bride and groom negotiate their family’s gifts. I was even given a Zulu name, Siyamthanda, which means “we love her.” Sweet, hey?
Like I expected, the goodbyes are much worse than when I left America. I started telling my preschoolers last week that I was going to leave so they wouldn’t be surprised come Tuesday. It stung pretty bad when Y said “I thought you were going to live here forever. I’m sad.” Or when N asked if I’d be back for his birthday party in December. Nothing like abandoning orphans that have already been abandoned before. I am comforted by the story of the transfiguration of Jesus.
After six days Jesus took Peter, James, and John and led them up a high mountain apart by themselves. And he was transfigured before them, and his clothes became dazzling white, such as no fuller on earth could bleach them. Then Elijah appeared to them along with Moses, and they were conversing with Jesus. Then Peter said to Jesus in reply, “Rabbi, it is good that we are here! Let us make three tents: one for you, one for Moses, and one fore Elijah.” He hardly knew what to say, they were so terrified. Then a cloud came, casting a shadow over them; then from the cloud came a voice, “This is my beloved Son. Listen to him.” Suddenly, looking around, they no longer saw anyone but Jesus alone with them. – Mark 9:2-8
Jesus led His disciples to the high mountain where they were amazed just as He led me to Rehoboth, sitting on top of a mountain. I was able to see God in new and dazzling ways through the faces of the children and witnessed many miracles. Like Peter, I’m about ready to set up my tent and stay with Moses, Elijah and Jesus on this mount because life is so good here. It doesn’t sound like Peter had that chance either but instead followed Jesus back into the valley where his faith was challenged and, in turn, experienced growth.
So I guessed I am back to where I began. I cling to the title verse of my blog: Isaiah 48:17. “ Thus says the LORD, your redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I, the LORD, your God, teach you what is for your good, and lead you on the way you should go.”
I thank you for your prayers and for keeping up with my ramblings through this blog. If you would like to support Rehoboth in a more tangible way, there is a sponsorship program where you can donate $50 a month (or any amount) to provide the loving care, medical treatment and schooling for one of our kids. My roommate, Tamara, will send you regular updates and photos of your sponsor child. The kids really do love their sponsors and post all of their mail and photos in their bedrooms.
I love you and miss you all.
-a teary Brigid
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
lessons learned
Hello friends and family!
Sorry this blog is just now being updated... long story about the internet. I can only blog today so I haven't checked facebook or my email in case you sent me a message.
Well, wouldn’t you know! After staying healthy and dodging every stomach bug and runny nose all summer, I finally caught the stomach flu and a chest/head cold at the same time. I was up all Sunday night running back and forth to the toilet with my “runny tummy” and let me tell you, diarhea (sp?) just isn’t fun when you only have 1-ply toilet paper. Although the stomach bug only lasted a couple days, I still have some nasty cold lingering.
It’s quite something to be considered sick when you live at a children’s village full of HIV and AIDS. It was bitter sweet to walk into my classroom on Wednesday and hear the children tell me that they had been praying for my runny tummy. It’s awful to know that some day, when their CD4 count is low enough, that a dumb stomach bug could end up taking their lives. I never knew how blessed I was to have a healthy immune system.
This last week two different teams came to Rehoboth on short-term mission trips. The first team was from Lakepoint Baptist Church in Dallas (Rockwall) and the second from a small church in Canada. I made sure to wear my Baylor shirt so they would all know that I was a Texan. It was strangely comforting to be asked, “where are you from?” and be able to answer, “Amarillo,” instead of “America.” I was reminded of the joy and excitement I felt the first time I came to Rehoboth on a very similar 10-day trip last May and was encouraged to regain my enthusiasm that has somehow become more “routine” in the past three months.
I decided, more for my own benefit than for yours, that I would catalogue some of the lessons I have learned over the past 84 days in hopes that I won’t forgot this summer as I get sucked back into student life. Here goes…
Independence: It is hard to go back in time with technology. My dependence on my iPhone, laptop, internet, automatic steering, central heating and air conditioning, etc. has been shamelessly exposed in Africa. I realize that almost all of these “necessities” exist so that I can be independent. I loathe inconveniencing people with my needs and will find any way around asking for a favor. That mentality is ridiculous to Africans; because almost everyone lacks resources, relying on one another is the necessity—not technology.
Standing still: I’m more introverted than I ever would have guessed. I seek the moments that I will be alone so that I can journal, process thoughts and write letters. I still battle with the ever-present FOMO (fear of missing out) but find myself more upset if I miss my alone time than if I miss a braai (BBQ).
Time and distance: I still struggle to be in the present time and place. I spent months, weeks and days counting down for this trip and once I got here I started counting the months, weeks and days until I’d be coming home. I wonder why time, which is completely outside of my control, is able to control so many of my thoughts.
Hygiene: I am proud (and a little disgusted) that showering once or twice a week is my new norm and I’m totally ok with it.
Self-image/self-confidence: Did I ever mention that for the first month and a half at Rehoboth I had the strep virus on my face followed by ringworm? You don’t get strep throat here; you get strep face. As soon as that began to clear up, I got ringworm all over my nose, on my arm and on my leg. I suddenly became very insecure with my hair an untamed mess, my face covered in red rings (with NO make-up to even begin to cover it up) and my wardrobe only consisting of five t-shirts, a few skirts and two pairs of ill-fitting jeans from high school. Let me just say, my self-confidence is wrapped up in my self-image far more than I’d like to admit.
Immediacy: When I look through the “before and after” photos of the kids here, it is obvious that huge progress is taking place. I can’t even begin to describe the impact that Rehoboth has had on their lives but while I am here I still see many of the kids years behind where they should be and get frustrated. I want to sit down and fix it. I realize that some problems are just too big to deal with in one go. Progress takes time. There is no use in getting frustrated. Slow and steady does actually win the race.
Being alone: It’s hard to come alone. It’s hard to start over and re-establish who you are without the people and places that “make” you who you are. On the other side, it is helpful to strip yourself of everything that makes yourself “you” and dig deeper to find out more.
Adults: Yikes! People see me as an adult here!! I am not seen as a student but as an adult. All of my friends are almost 30 or older…. Not sure what to add to that other than I am glad that I get the chance to be a college kid again next year.
Weekends: Real, legitimate weekends are bliss! Try not to do any work at all for one weekend and not worry about it. It’s challenging but so wonderful when you get the hang of it!
Family: I am so grateful for my family. I could ramble on forever about the importance of my family.
Generosity/ hospitality: When I went into the community to a house mother’s home, I was shocked by the poverty and hospitality together. Her house was as spotless as a house could be with a dirt floor. Although her family had very little, they shared all that they had and were proud of their family. We walked by their avocado tree and I said something about how I loved avocados. (shout out to kaylyn and chad) And when we left her son had picked probably 20 of them to give to me. I hope to imitate their hospitability and generosity.
I think I’m getting a little long-winded so I will stop there. I have learned so much in these three months and am excited to integrate these lessons into my American life.
I miss you all and am beyond excited to see you all in only 10 days!!!
-b
Sorry this blog is just now being updated... long story about the internet. I can only blog today so I haven't checked facebook or my email in case you sent me a message.
Well, wouldn’t you know! After staying healthy and dodging every stomach bug and runny nose all summer, I finally caught the stomach flu and a chest/head cold at the same time. I was up all Sunday night running back and forth to the toilet with my “runny tummy” and let me tell you, diarhea (sp?) just isn’t fun when you only have 1-ply toilet paper. Although the stomach bug only lasted a couple days, I still have some nasty cold lingering.
It’s quite something to be considered sick when you live at a children’s village full of HIV and AIDS. It was bitter sweet to walk into my classroom on Wednesday and hear the children tell me that they had been praying for my runny tummy. It’s awful to know that some day, when their CD4 count is low enough, that a dumb stomach bug could end up taking their lives. I never knew how blessed I was to have a healthy immune system.
This last week two different teams came to Rehoboth on short-term mission trips. The first team was from Lakepoint Baptist Church in Dallas (Rockwall) and the second from a small church in Canada. I made sure to wear my Baylor shirt so they would all know that I was a Texan. It was strangely comforting to be asked, “where are you from?” and be able to answer, “Amarillo,” instead of “America.” I was reminded of the joy and excitement I felt the first time I came to Rehoboth on a very similar 10-day trip last May and was encouraged to regain my enthusiasm that has somehow become more “routine” in the past three months.
I decided, more for my own benefit than for yours, that I would catalogue some of the lessons I have learned over the past 84 days in hopes that I won’t forgot this summer as I get sucked back into student life. Here goes…
Independence: It is hard to go back in time with technology. My dependence on my iPhone, laptop, internet, automatic steering, central heating and air conditioning, etc. has been shamelessly exposed in Africa. I realize that almost all of these “necessities” exist so that I can be independent. I loathe inconveniencing people with my needs and will find any way around asking for a favor. That mentality is ridiculous to Africans; because almost everyone lacks resources, relying on one another is the necessity—not technology.
Standing still: I’m more introverted than I ever would have guessed. I seek the moments that I will be alone so that I can journal, process thoughts and write letters. I still battle with the ever-present FOMO (fear of missing out) but find myself more upset if I miss my alone time than if I miss a braai (BBQ).
Time and distance: I still struggle to be in the present time and place. I spent months, weeks and days counting down for this trip and once I got here I started counting the months, weeks and days until I’d be coming home. I wonder why time, which is completely outside of my control, is able to control so many of my thoughts.
Hygiene: I am proud (and a little disgusted) that showering once or twice a week is my new norm and I’m totally ok with it.
Self-image/self-confidence: Did I ever mention that for the first month and a half at Rehoboth I had the strep virus on my face followed by ringworm? You don’t get strep throat here; you get strep face. As soon as that began to clear up, I got ringworm all over my nose, on my arm and on my leg. I suddenly became very insecure with my hair an untamed mess, my face covered in red rings (with NO make-up to even begin to cover it up) and my wardrobe only consisting of five t-shirts, a few skirts and two pairs of ill-fitting jeans from high school. Let me just say, my self-confidence is wrapped up in my self-image far more than I’d like to admit.
Immediacy: When I look through the “before and after” photos of the kids here, it is obvious that huge progress is taking place. I can’t even begin to describe the impact that Rehoboth has had on their lives but while I am here I still see many of the kids years behind where they should be and get frustrated. I want to sit down and fix it. I realize that some problems are just too big to deal with in one go. Progress takes time. There is no use in getting frustrated. Slow and steady does actually win the race.
Being alone: It’s hard to come alone. It’s hard to start over and re-establish who you are without the people and places that “make” you who you are. On the other side, it is helpful to strip yourself of everything that makes yourself “you” and dig deeper to find out more.
Adults: Yikes! People see me as an adult here!! I am not seen as a student but as an adult. All of my friends are almost 30 or older…. Not sure what to add to that other than I am glad that I get the chance to be a college kid again next year.
Weekends: Real, legitimate weekends are bliss! Try not to do any work at all for one weekend and not worry about it. It’s challenging but so wonderful when you get the hang of it!
Family: I am so grateful for my family. I could ramble on forever about the importance of my family.
Generosity/ hospitality: When I went into the community to a house mother’s home, I was shocked by the poverty and hospitality together. Her house was as spotless as a house could be with a dirt floor. Although her family had very little, they shared all that they had and were proud of their family. We walked by their avocado tree and I said something about how I loved avocados. (shout out to kaylyn and chad) And when we left her son had picked probably 20 of them to give to me. I hope to imitate their hospitability and generosity.
I think I’m getting a little long-winded so I will stop there. I have learned so much in these three months and am excited to integrate these lessons into my American life.
I miss you all and am beyond excited to see you all in only 10 days!!!
-b
Saturday, July 24, 2010
17 more days....
Hello friends and family!!
Let the countdown begin- only 17 more days in Africa. With such a short time left I have many conflicting and confusing emotions and thoughts swirling around my head. I guess I should rewind back to my expectations and reasons for dropping myself in the middle of no-where Africa for three months.
As we drove away last summer from Rehoboth I knew that I had to come back. I felt like there was a place for me to serve along side the Zulu women here to help raise these precious orphans. Not only have you all probably felt similar tugging at your heart to serve but the whole service thing is the politically correct answer to "why did you move to south africa to volunteer at an HIV/AIDS orphanage?" (So I will leave it at that.)
My desire to serve was not my only motivation. No, if I'm honest to myself I am way more selfish than that. Another reason for coming was to find rest, isolation and time. I find myself racing through life from class to work to BRH to Sonic happy hour to Monday "lugnut" lunches to driving to Austin in the middle of the night to studying for my 18 hours of course work.. you get the picture. Although my life seems next to perfect I leave myself no time for rest. No time to be still. No time to be quiet. Many weeks my only time alone is the 30 minute drive to and from work. I know you all have similar stories.
In a strange way I felt like the only way for me to find this time and rest was to switch continents. (sounds a little extreme.) Even during the "slow and lazy days of summer" I pack my schedule with things and people. The funny thing is that I think I use my time well... at least for the American standard. All of that just seems silly while I walk behind a Zulu woman. You don't move very far very quickly. :) With all of that being said, I love this slower paced life and find myself already missing it before I have even left. In fact, I went to bed at 8 o'clock last night just cause I could.
On the other hand, I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't excited to come home. I miss all of my friends and family very much. I am frustrated with myself at how much I miss the comforts of my American lifestyle... like my shower, pedicures, make-up and an ant-free kitchen. I feel like I will always have one foot in Africa, one foot in Waco and a hand in Amarillo. It'll be hard to feel complete for a while, I'm afraid.
Enough of that, let me give you a few updates on the past couple weeks. I am still enjoying working as the pre-school teacher but have never realized how difficult that job actually is. I'm forced to think backwards to knowledge that I guess we were all born with like the difference between a fruit and a vegetable or what it means to be sad or jealous or the days of the week. It's challenging to come up with new (and fun) ways to go back to the very, very basics of life. In any case, I am completely redecorating the whole class room (what did you expect)... I never knew how much fun it is to decorate bulletin boards!
Yesterday my preschoolers were having a breaktime outside when one of them colided with another. N got a bloody lip and without thinking about it I held a cube of ice on it until it started bleeding... I didn't even think about the fact that he was HIV positive. Fortunately N's little brother held a sand bucket under his lip to catch the blood and melting ice. So sweet. :) Don't get worried mom, you can only pass HIV if you have blood on blood contact so his blood cannot infect my skin or anything.
Two weeks ago I decided that I wanted to get my hair braided.... that was quite a decision. Auntie Thulie braided my hair for SEVEN HOURS over the course of three days. (I'm telling you, only in Africa would I ever have 7 hours to sit still.) She did a wonderful job but I must say it was itchy and kinda hurt my head. After a week of my Zulu hair, I decided to take it out. Tamara and I sad for over TWO hours unbraiding my hair... my hair was huge. I had the best afro you've ever seen. In fact, my hair was so huge that my ponytail was too big to hold with one hand. I washed my hair 4 times after that to get it to calm down... I don't think that I'll be braiding my hair again any time soon!!
To go with my African hair, I ate some delicious african lunches last week with our social worker, Sphume and our childcare supervisor, Khiwa. I must admit that I truly did like cow intestines and the chicken that Khiwa had killed herself the day before. :)
Well, for time's sake, that's all for now. We have to get back to Rehoboth early today cause a group of 30 something Americans (from TEXAS) are coming to play with the kids for a couple hours. I am wearing my Baylor shirt so that they know I'm a proud Texan as well. :)
Miss you and love you!!
-B
Let the countdown begin- only 17 more days in Africa. With such a short time left I have many conflicting and confusing emotions and thoughts swirling around my head. I guess I should rewind back to my expectations and reasons for dropping myself in the middle of no-where Africa for three months.
As we drove away last summer from Rehoboth I knew that I had to come back. I felt like there was a place for me to serve along side the Zulu women here to help raise these precious orphans. Not only have you all probably felt similar tugging at your heart to serve but the whole service thing is the politically correct answer to "why did you move to south africa to volunteer at an HIV/AIDS orphanage?" (So I will leave it at that.)
My desire to serve was not my only motivation. No, if I'm honest to myself I am way more selfish than that. Another reason for coming was to find rest, isolation and time. I find myself racing through life from class to work to BRH to Sonic happy hour to Monday "lugnut" lunches to driving to Austin in the middle of the night to studying for my 18 hours of course work.. you get the picture. Although my life seems next to perfect I leave myself no time for rest. No time to be still. No time to be quiet. Many weeks my only time alone is the 30 minute drive to and from work. I know you all have similar stories.
In a strange way I felt like the only way for me to find this time and rest was to switch continents. (sounds a little extreme.) Even during the "slow and lazy days of summer" I pack my schedule with things and people. The funny thing is that I think I use my time well... at least for the American standard. All of that just seems silly while I walk behind a Zulu woman. You don't move very far very quickly. :) With all of that being said, I love this slower paced life and find myself already missing it before I have even left. In fact, I went to bed at 8 o'clock last night just cause I could.
On the other hand, I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't excited to come home. I miss all of my friends and family very much. I am frustrated with myself at how much I miss the comforts of my American lifestyle... like my shower, pedicures, make-up and an ant-free kitchen. I feel like I will always have one foot in Africa, one foot in Waco and a hand in Amarillo. It'll be hard to feel complete for a while, I'm afraid.
Enough of that, let me give you a few updates on the past couple weeks. I am still enjoying working as the pre-school teacher but have never realized how difficult that job actually is. I'm forced to think backwards to knowledge that I guess we were all born with like the difference between a fruit and a vegetable or what it means to be sad or jealous or the days of the week. It's challenging to come up with new (and fun) ways to go back to the very, very basics of life. In any case, I am completely redecorating the whole class room (what did you expect)... I never knew how much fun it is to decorate bulletin boards!
Yesterday my preschoolers were having a breaktime outside when one of them colided with another. N got a bloody lip and without thinking about it I held a cube of ice on it until it started bleeding... I didn't even think about the fact that he was HIV positive. Fortunately N's little brother held a sand bucket under his lip to catch the blood and melting ice. So sweet. :) Don't get worried mom, you can only pass HIV if you have blood on blood contact so his blood cannot infect my skin or anything.
Two weeks ago I decided that I wanted to get my hair braided.... that was quite a decision. Auntie Thulie braided my hair for SEVEN HOURS over the course of three days. (I'm telling you, only in Africa would I ever have 7 hours to sit still.) She did a wonderful job but I must say it was itchy and kinda hurt my head. After a week of my Zulu hair, I decided to take it out. Tamara and I sad for over TWO hours unbraiding my hair... my hair was huge. I had the best afro you've ever seen. In fact, my hair was so huge that my ponytail was too big to hold with one hand. I washed my hair 4 times after that to get it to calm down... I don't think that I'll be braiding my hair again any time soon!!
To go with my African hair, I ate some delicious african lunches last week with our social worker, Sphume and our childcare supervisor, Khiwa. I must admit that I truly did like cow intestines and the chicken that Khiwa had killed herself the day before. :)
Well, for time's sake, that's all for now. We have to get back to Rehoboth early today cause a group of 30 something Americans (from TEXAS) are coming to play with the kids for a couple hours. I am wearing my Baylor shirt so that they know I'm a proud Texan as well. :)
Miss you and love you!!
-B
Saturday, July 17, 2010
More photos!
Hello everyone!! I still haven't figured out all of the formatting stuff with the photos. You'll have to deal with the scattered pics! This is S and I at the crocodile farm.
Looking at the hundreds of crocodiles.
S is always adorable.
Here's my preschool. Chaos is the norm.
Here's little S. He was terrified the whole time at Pure Venom... I had to carry him around the whole time. But by the end he held the python!! So proud of him. By the way, this is the little one that got lost while we were at the crocodile farm. One of his ears doesn't have an opening and the other one doesn't have an ear drum. I've only heard him talk maybe three times.
Icecream after Toy Story 3.
Here is my view walking down the hill to my house. Gonna miss the sunsets here!!
Monday our preschool teacher quit, effective immediately. So, I became the preschool teacher starting Tuesday. Naturally I have taken it upon myself to redecorate. This tree will be the new growth chart one I finish.
Here's S, N and L being adorable. (N, the girl that I have tried to adopt, is wearing my jacket and pretending to be me.)
Haha, N is the most hilarious child in the whole village I think. Would you believe that she had two brain operations last year to get rid of her drug resistant TB?
Here's Tracy. She came to help out at Rehoboth for three weeks during her school holiday. She lives four hosues down the road. :) We made the solar system that you see behind her. She had to go back to school this week and I miss her a lot. I can't wait to hang out with her in two weeks when she comes back to visit!!
My mom sent Texas stuff including these bandanas. The kids obviously love to pretend to be cowboys.
Here are all of the Dutch-ies before the final game against Spain. I was the only american and I didn't have an orange shirt.
N and N playing after our visit to the crocodile farm.
S is quite the charmer and quite the troublemaker. He came to Rehoboth with scabies all over his skin- now he's a beautiful child.
Adorable. Two of my favorites looking at the hundreds of crocodiles!
yes I am holding a python.
Z also did NOT like holding it. :)
If you could only hear her laughing.
L was totally fine with it. No problem.
here are 11 of my kids ready to go at Pure Venom. We've been learning about emotions the past couple weeks. This is "scared."
Here's M came with the big kids on a different day.
Sponge-painting kites.
This is how N came up to the bus stop to go watch Toy Story 3. I think that Tracy and I laughed the whole way to town. As you can see, life is always exciting, challening and hilarious. Can't wait to see what is in store for me in my last three weeks.
Love you and miss you!
-brigid
Saturday, July 10, 2010
"be still and know that I am God." -Psalm 46:10
Hello friends!!
one more incredible week down. Lots of firsts for me... held a python, touched a crocodile, lost a child and watched my first episode of Friends. What a week.
Our driver, Mak, came back from vacation so I filled up the holiday program with fun outings for the kids. We saw Toy Story 3, went to the biggest reptile farm in all of Africa called "pure Venom" and went to the Crocodile Farm. I definitely felt like Jon & Kate + 8 with all of the stares and questions about why two white girls were out with 11 Zulu kids. Although the older kids have been out and about in the area, my little preschoolers have basically only left REhoboth to go to church. They all dressed up in their best clothes (and necklaces and tiaras) for the outings and almost enjoyed the bus ride as much as the actual activity. I loved looking back in the bus and watching them look with wonder at the world around them while jamming out to the kiddie Jesus music blasting from the front. (Thanks Mak!) I've seen kids experience new things before but nothing like these kids who have literally never been out. So ayoba. :) We only had one child go missing for about 5 minutes (definitely didn't help that he is deaf and mute) and one wet her pants. No bad, not too bad. I'll try to get some pics up here next weekend.
The past couple of weeks I've been trying to sort out what I trust, who I trust and why I trust. With some help from a sermon last month and a couple favorite BRH songs, I'm beginning to make some headway. The sermon differentiated who God is verses what He does and what He says. Although it is good and right to have faith in His words and actions, I think that my trust should belong to Him, in who He is. Even without His promises, I should trust Him completely. For example, let's pretend that I lost all of my money so I pray and the next day someone has put an envelope with $1000 at my doorstep. Yay, God has provided for me. So next time the market crashes I pray the same prayer and trust that God will do the same thing again instead of trusting Jehova Jira, the Lord my provider. I trust in what He can do but not that He will provide. Although God is unchanging, I sure am. Why should I expect the same answer to my prayer? Making any sense?
BRH ends each concert singing a song called "I Am." (If you haven't heard it, CD's are still available for $15...) Anyway, it goes through many biblical descriptions of who God is. "I am the root of David, the bright and morning star. I am the light of Judah. I am. I am the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I Am." It seems like scripture has given us so many examples to try and help us understand who God is and why "I Am" is worthy of praise and of our trust.
I've realized that I can easily fall into this rut of using prayer to "get" joy or peace or happiness from life but not from Him, Himself. As I try to prepare for my last month here and my transition home, I'm trying to understand that although my circumstances and surroundings will drastically cahnge, the peace and joy that I have found here cannot be circumstantial. God is not changing so my peace in Him must remain the same even when my life returns to "hectic."
I've been repeating "Jesus I am Resting, Resting" over and over this week:
"Jesus, I am resting, resting int eh joy of what Thou art; I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart. Thou has bid me gaze upon Thee, and Thy beauty fills my soul, for my Thy transforming power Thou hast made me whole.
Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, I behold Thee as Thou art, and Thy love, so pure, so changless, satisfies my heart; satisfies its deepest longings, meets, supplies its every need, compasseth me round with blessings, Thine is love indeed.
Ever lift Thy face upon me as I work and wait for Thee; resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus, Earth's dark sahdows flee. Brightness of my Father's glory, sunshine of my Father's face, keep me ever trusting, resting, fill me with Thy grace.
Jesus I am resting, resting in the joy of what Thou art; I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart."
Seeya in a month!
Love you and miss you!
-b
one more incredible week down. Lots of firsts for me... held a python, touched a crocodile, lost a child and watched my first episode of Friends. What a week.
Our driver, Mak, came back from vacation so I filled up the holiday program with fun outings for the kids. We saw Toy Story 3, went to the biggest reptile farm in all of Africa called "pure Venom" and went to the Crocodile Farm. I definitely felt like Jon & Kate + 8 with all of the stares and questions about why two white girls were out with 11 Zulu kids. Although the older kids have been out and about in the area, my little preschoolers have basically only left REhoboth to go to church. They all dressed up in their best clothes (and necklaces and tiaras) for the outings and almost enjoyed the bus ride as much as the actual activity. I loved looking back in the bus and watching them look with wonder at the world around them while jamming out to the kiddie Jesus music blasting from the front. (Thanks Mak!) I've seen kids experience new things before but nothing like these kids who have literally never been out. So ayoba. :) We only had one child go missing for about 5 minutes (definitely didn't help that he is deaf and mute) and one wet her pants. No bad, not too bad. I'll try to get some pics up here next weekend.
The past couple of weeks I've been trying to sort out what I trust, who I trust and why I trust. With some help from a sermon last month and a couple favorite BRH songs, I'm beginning to make some headway. The sermon differentiated who God is verses what He does and what He says. Although it is good and right to have faith in His words and actions, I think that my trust should belong to Him, in who He is. Even without His promises, I should trust Him completely. For example, let's pretend that I lost all of my money so I pray and the next day someone has put an envelope with $1000 at my doorstep. Yay, God has provided for me. So next time the market crashes I pray the same prayer and trust that God will do the same thing again instead of trusting Jehova Jira, the Lord my provider. I trust in what He can do but not that He will provide. Although God is unchanging, I sure am. Why should I expect the same answer to my prayer? Making any sense?
BRH ends each concert singing a song called "I Am." (If you haven't heard it, CD's are still available for $15...) Anyway, it goes through many biblical descriptions of who God is. "I am the root of David, the bright and morning star. I am the light of Judah. I am. I am the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I Am." It seems like scripture has given us so many examples to try and help us understand who God is and why "I Am" is worthy of praise and of our trust.
I've realized that I can easily fall into this rut of using prayer to "get" joy or peace or happiness from life but not from Him, Himself. As I try to prepare for my last month here and my transition home, I'm trying to understand that although my circumstances and surroundings will drastically cahnge, the peace and joy that I have found here cannot be circumstantial. God is not changing so my peace in Him must remain the same even when my life returns to "hectic."
I've been repeating "Jesus I am Resting, Resting" over and over this week:
"Jesus, I am resting, resting int eh joy of what Thou art; I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart. Thou has bid me gaze upon Thee, and Thy beauty fills my soul, for my Thy transforming power Thou hast made me whole.
Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus, I behold Thee as Thou art, and Thy love, so pure, so changless, satisfies my heart; satisfies its deepest longings, meets, supplies its every need, compasseth me round with blessings, Thine is love indeed.
Ever lift Thy face upon me as I work and wait for Thee; resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus, Earth's dark sahdows flee. Brightness of my Father's glory, sunshine of my Father's face, keep me ever trusting, resting, fill me with Thy grace.
Jesus I am resting, resting in the joy of what Thou art; I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart."
Seeya in a month!
Love you and miss you!
-b
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Happy 4th of July!
Hello again!!
Happy fourth!! Even though I'm living with Africans, Dutch and British people we are still going to celebrate our independance day! I'm cooking hamburgers tonight and chocolate cookies for dessert. Too bad there isn't any watermelon or fireworks.
So community service. The kids are still out of school because of the World Cup so I'm still trying to coordinate activities for all 54 kids. Last week I took the older kids to the community to some of our housemother's homes so that they could see how many of their friends from school live and function. We had a list of chores for the kids to do so that they have some experience before they have to live there when they grow up. Rehoboth is blessed with such wonderful facilities, people and abundant food so many of the kids don't remember what it was like to be hungry or to live in such poverty. Here is a little of what we saw and did:
Here's where they live.
Here's B fetching water from the community tap.
Here's the fire burning sugar cane and trash.
This little boy from the community cut his heel open with the rusty can. The adults said, "sorry boy." That was it. No tetnis shot, no crying. The dirt was his bandaide.
This is one of our house mother's houses with one of her sister's kids. He looked that sad the whole time and doesn't talk.
This is one of the house moms in her home with another nephew.
Here's N,N, and N practicing our balancing before getting the water.
Here I am making a total fool out of myself. I had this baby on my back for at least an hour or two. He conked out pretty fast so he was even heavier. Haibo!
Even more thankful for my washing machine.
I can't say that I was surprised by the inhumane living conditions. It's a photo straight from National Geographic or a "sponsor-a-child" commercial. It is exactly how everyone pictures Africa minus the lions and elephants running around in the background. :)
People watched me walk around with a Zulu baby strapped to my back with a towel and watched the dumb "umlungu" drop her bucket off her head over and over. I fumbled over my few phrases and words in Zulu while they chuckled at me. I carried that baby on my back on Thursday. Today is Sunday and my back is still sore.
No, I wasn't surprised that the only running water in the community was a mile uphill. I wasn't surprised that 3 generations of women and children lived in a one room shack without proper locks, beds, or chairs. I wasn't surprised that the kids played games with a ball made out of plastic bags and rusted cans. I wasn't surprised that all of the fathers/husbands had abandoned their families. I was surprised at how hopeless I felt for the community. No one is dreaming American dreams. I couldn't see a way to break the cycle of poverty, disease and crime without being ridiculously idealistic. I wonder what its like to grow up knowing that this is the best its going to get. No way out.
After I came home I began to think through all of the times that the Bible tells us to trust in Him or not to worry. I've always taken comfort in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10. "Three times I begged the Lord about this, that it might leave me, be he said to me, 'My grace is sufficeint for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.' I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong." After this week though, I don't think that I really understand how radical those verses were from Paul to the church in Corinth. Here are a few examples of my real life stuggles, worries, weaknesses etc:
1. Stuggle: Sick. My hair clogged the shower drain again. I'm gonna gag if I have to pull it out with a clothes hanger.
2. Worry: What if I don't get married until I'm 30!!
3. Weakness: My hand shape wasn't perfect in my Sign Language video so I made a C even though I spent so much time practicing that dang story.
4. Struggle and weakness: I don't have enough time to do everything. I want to stay and play Signs with BRH but I have 3 tests tomorrow.
Here are a few of their struggles:
1. Stuggle: I don't have a shower. No one in my community has a shower.
2. Worry: I have HIV and so does my baby. I don't have money for ARVs and would lose my job if they knew my status.
3. Weakness: I just walked with a baby on my back 10 miles to go to town so that I could buy milk.
4. Stuggle: My coworker rapes me every day on the side of the road when we leave work.
It's not that my fears and stuggles aren't real. They are. I guess what I realized this week is that my trust and hope isn't completely in God. It's in other things too. I trust that America will provide me with opportunities. I trust that my dad will never let me go hungry. I trust that my insurance will never leave me without my medication. I trust that my electric gate and three locks on my door will keep me safe. I trust in myself that I can do it. I can figure out the problem or study harder. The people living in these communities do not have anything to trust except for God. It's hard for me to read scripture that tells me not to worry when I have friends that are really sick. It's hard not to worry when I bomb a test. I can't imagine how hard it is to have that faith and trust in God when the stakes are so much higher. My prayer for my last 6 weeks here is to be dependent on God. To learn from the people around me who need faith to keep going.
Love you and miss you!!
-b
Saturday, July 3, 2010
a photo's worth a thousand words
Well, I thought I'd try to figure out how to upload some photos for you this week. Sorry if the formatting is weird. I'm new at this whole blog thing. I may get to come back to the internet cafe tomorrow so I can update you on my stories of the week. :)This is exactly what I see from my bed, haha. Told you it's a fairy tale!
My view from the kitchen every evening at 5:30pm.
So I just realized that I wasn't supposed to use the kids' real names so I'll just use initials. :) This is A during ABA therapy.
Did I mention that basically all of the volunteers are Dutch? This is how we do the World cup in the office. Hup Holland hup!
This is how we do movies at Rehoboth. Popcorn in the empty ARV containers.
Pudding painting with preschoolers.
In the community. (I'll blog about that tomorrow.) I'm learning from the pros. When we carried the water back she carried that bucket on her head and two in her hands....
Some of you may remember S singing "Jesus Loves Me" last year. See facebook videos. This pic is taken right outside my preschool which used to be a chicken coop.
It's against the rules to have favorites but these are my two favorites. I literally talked to our social worker about adopting N (the girl). I was crushed to find out that although I am 21 and have a job, America isn't in whatever conference to adopt south africans. I had even worked out in my head how I could be a student and mom of a 5-year-old at the same time. Seriously.
Told you. Here's the punk hiding in the grass after jumping at me.
Shaving creme tables!
Well, out of time for today!
Love you and miss you all!
-b
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