a snake tried to attack me. true story.

If I counted correctly, today is exactly half way for me. I've been here for 45 days and still have 45 to go. Haibo! It's going too fast. Somehow I found myself rather busy this week and needing more time to process and think. Here are a few of my jumpled thoughts.

Love:

"Beloved, let us love one another, because lovei s of God; everyone who loves is befotten by God and knows God... Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us." - 1 John 4:7; 11-12

Every day I love the children more. I am beginning to understand their quirks. I know how to make them happy but also how to make them sad with discipline. I can anticipate where each child is and what they are doing without turning around. I guess this is how moms and dads have eyes in the back of their heads? The more I love them, the more I want to love them better which, in this case, demainds everything from reading one more "last" story to cutting out more silly crafts and decorations to throwing them in the air until my arms are dang sore to rtelling them that I love them every single time they leave the room.

Christian lvoe should not be abstract but should be lived concretely for others. Why do preschoolers already understand that? Why do preschoolers who have been abandoned by their parents understand that? Each time they leave my classroom all 13 of my kids stand in line to kiss both of my cheeks and my forehead and give me a tight squeeze. It doesn't matter it they were in big trouble that day or if they were my special helper-- they all still want their hugs and kisses. I think I'll start taking my cues about love from 5-year-olds.

Entitlement:

I never thought that I'd label an HIV positive orphan as greedy. I still haven't wrestled out this idea in my head so these sentences may not actually fit together; we'll see.

As I look around this place I often wonder why I wasn't the one with down-turned ears from fetal alcohol syndrome. I wonder why I escaped teh atrocity of rape as a child and the unfair start at life with diseased blood cells. Why did my mom read me bedtime stories every night while some of their moms left them to drown in a toilet?

I spent 21 years thinking that I was entitled to my American life. I deserved a mom and dad and older brother who would eat a homecooked meal around teh same dinner table every night. I deserved indoor plumbing, new clothes for every school year and a doctor's appointment for every ear infection. I was talking ato a 9-year-old named Brightness and mentioned something about my parents. She asked, "are your parents still alive?" I said, "yes." "Both of them?" "yes." "wow, you are so lucky" she said.

i've never felt so guilty or so blessed for having living parents. If Brightness only knew the rest of my life. How embarrassing.

Ok, so why am I calling these kids spoiled or greedy? There are days taht I work so hard to make sure that all 53 of them are having a good holiday and then one kid will say, "oh man!! Uncle steven isn't here for sports today?? I'm so bored." I just wanna smack him and say something like "don't you understand what a blessing it is just to live inside these gates. Don't you understand that if Rehoboth wasn't here you'd have died of AIDS three years ago?" (Obviously I never say that...) They ahve been given a second chance at life with a new, loving family, a least a few pairs of donated clothing and medicine to treat their HIV. These things are a luxury to the thousands of children living in the community just outside our gate.

I can't really explain this strange dynamic of being grateful and being spoiled. How do you tell any child that they are blessed? Why do I think that I deserve more to be grateful than these children. Would I be grateful for two pairs of donated pants or would I still want more? (Two of our staff this week almost had a knock-down drag-out fight over donated clothes...) I sure am from a different world. Not sure if that made any sense. I'll think about it this week and try to be more clear next week.

I defintitely remembered I was in Africa on Thursday when I woke up to monkies hooting outside my window before my alarm went off. How annoying. The african day continued when I went to my preschool to teach a lesson on emotions while a jack hammer was cutting up concrete on the same building I was teaching in. (Chaos.) Then I went home for a quick lunch. When I came back out I was digging in my bag for some chapstick (or lip ice as they say here) and I looked up and a long, green snake was practically flying in circles at my feet. Oh my word, I jumped back and started screaming like crazy!! The snake did not just slither away, it truly looked like it was doing some insane gymnastics or like an out of control lasso. Haibo. I ran back on to my deck and looked in the grass until I found him so I could take his picture so I'd have proof. :) I'm sure he was just a bush snake but one 7-year-old told me it was definitely a green mamba. haha

Well, I'm looking forward to my first July 4th in a different country in a couple weeks. I think i'll have a party and bake an apple pie and watch some really american movie. I cannot believe that it's almost July and I'm coming home in August....

Miss you and love you!
-b